You have the right to say No.

 

I saw part of a show today: Murder, She Wrote. A man comes down the balcony of her hotel room as she appears to be going to bed. He gestures for her to open and she lets him in.  A part of a conversation went like this:

Dennis Stanton: would you care to offer me a nightcap?
Jessica: No, no. And even if I did, I wouldn't. 
Dennis Stanton: ...if people should knock, would you care to say I've been here for the last 30 minutes or so?
Jessica: No, I would certainly not do that. 

I thought: This is a person who says no again and again with such authority and confidence and without an apology. She's not ashamed to say no or refuse a request. She didn't have to let them down easy or feel bad for saying no. You have the right to say "No", period. No ifs, ands or buts. 

In this case, she didn't know the man. She had only met him prior at an event and danced with him. Here he comes down her balcony asking for favors. And the thing is that he had the audacity to demand he be served a drink. This was after saying he came down the balcony because he realized he had locked himself out of his room but when he opened her door to leave and saw some commotion in the hallway, he came back and indicated it wasn't good to go out there. That's when he started making requests. And I admired her for confidently saying No, without apologizing or feeling like she's obligated. 

One thing I watch for is identifying people who do not respect my "No". Most of the time, I tend to identify some psychological trait or pathology regardless of gender. It can be a secretary who wants to tell me a dream she had about me. I tell them "no" and she starts to go on. No, I don't want to hear it. I simply walk way.  And in some cases, I've said to people, including the family "I don't want to hear it". But there are some who come back to your no with the same request - sometimes, restated in another way. Que parte de "No" no entiendes!

So this reminded me of something I saw on PBS Newshour yesterday. They showed the Fed press conference and someone asked Mr Powell if he would resign should the person elected in the election recently ask him to resign. 

J. Powell: No.

Reporter: (something along the lines of) can you elaborate on  that further blah, blah, blah.

J. Powell: No. 

It comes to back to the anchor who says ~ "No is a complete sentence".

And it is! Is there a reason why people demand a person to explain to them why they are saying no when they have no obligation to do so? I'm talking about strangers who demand you explain why you refuse a request you are under no obligation to accept. 

I thought: who in the bible refused a request? 

One of my favorite groups of people: The Rechabites in Jeremiah 35. 

This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the LORD during the reign of Jehoiakim son of Josiah king of Judah:

"Go to the Recabite family and invite them to come to one of the side rooms of the house of the LORD and give them wine to drink."

So I went to get Jaazaniah son of Jeremiah, the son of Habazziniah, and his brothers and all his sons--the whole family of the Recabites.

I brought them into the house of the LORD, into the room of the sons of Hanan son of Igdaliah the man of God. It was next to the room of the officials, which was over that of Maaseiah son of Shallum the doorkeeper.

Then I set bowls full of wine and some cups before the men of the Recabite family and said to them, "Drink some wine."

But they replied, "We do not drink wine, because our forefather Jonadab son of Recab gave us this command: `Neither you nor your descendants must ever drink wine.

Jeremiah 35:1-7 NIV (Emphasis mine.)

When I read this years ago, I realized that a prophet asks them to do something they would not otherwise do and they refused. And they explained that they do not drink wine and gave their reasons. They refused to compromise themselves. 

And that's what I saw with the excerpt of the show this morning. The character, Jessica Fletcher, would not compromise herself. Because later in the episode, An investigator shows up and a part of the conversation is along these lines:

McBride: if you would be inclined to pass on this message to him...let him know there is a hundred thousand reward for the return of the necklace, no questions asked...

Jessica: I'm sorry Miss McBride. Even if I was inclined, which I am not, I don't intend to see Mr Stanton again. (She said it walking to the door and opening it - indicating for her to leave).

McBride:  even if...if you can...there's a fifty thousand in it for you. (Outside the door making one last pitch)

Jessica: Goodbye, Miss McBride. (as she closes the door). 

J.B Fletcher refused to be a messenger or a mule for passing a message on to someone. I shared the verse from Jeremiah 35 because there are some people who have compromised themselves because the person making the request is a pastor or some person occupying a position of authority. Polonius is noted for saying "To thine own self be true" and whatever fault you may point out in his character in Hamlet, that's not my focus. We need to be true to ourselves. To not compromise ourselves simply because we want to get into someone's good graces. "Never compromise yourself" is something I read many years ago and it's taken years to finally learn and implement it. To do what is good for me. I don't do something for the comfort of someone at the expense of myself - whether in the form of my integrity, beliefs or whatever attribute of mine I find worthy. And even if it costs us nothing, if it's not something we would otherwise do, we are not obligated to do it. The Recabites refused a seemingly simple request to drink. They don't drink, they didn't feel like they were obligated to do so simply because they were asked or simply because of who was asking.  In Deuteronomy 13, we are told that if a prophet comes to tell us to turn us from God, we do not follow or do what they say. In effect, we have a responsibility to ourselves in this life and we need not subject ourselves to others like puppets being moved around simply by the mouths of men. 

I'm not sure when in history saying No became an offense one has to feel bad about or apologize for. 

And I'll echo it again:

You have the right to say "No" to a request. You don't have to explain yourself of feel bad for saying No. You don't owe everyone an explanation as to your choice. In some cases, it might be nice to explain but when a stranger asks a question and demands you explain why you refuse their request, walk away. As I think of it, If the word "No" had been used more  judiciously in Genesis 3, we might all be in a different situation now. Maybe those of us here can learn to say no more often and not compromise ourselves, regardless of who is making the request. No, is enough. The whole attitude or apologizing for saying no or letting someone down easy makes it sound like one is obligated to accept every request and when one doesn't, they are offending the person making the request. Well, request that the person making the request also respect your no.